MORE OF ME

 Undissolved - Luro 

I tried to be someone else 

Someone I thought I could relate to

Someone smarter, prettier and what not 

I failed to be me 

Though I preached that 'be yourself' attitude 

I tried to be more than what I was 

I tried to do something that was beyond me

And I couldn't. 

I wanted to be more real than I ever could 

But I failed to be like the undissolved colours 

That settle at the bottom of a glass filled with water 

The colours that refuse to be something they're not 

Colours that refuse to change shades 

Yet I let the sediments get to me

I was busy giving pep talks to those who wanted it

despite knowing that I needed it the most

I was so many people I'd never met,

In stories I hadn't listened to 

And in them, I saw parts of me 

That I hated but never loved 

And then I saw my own self, someone I never wanted to meet

And for once, I didn't need a mirror 

I went to places that I hadn't been to, before,

Thinking that a new environment 

Would turn me into someone new

Someome I longed to be

I was desperate to change

Yet I kept coming back 

To myself 

I couldn't quite shed who I was 

I couldn't take off my mask 

But I kept wanting to be who I wasn't 

Which 'me' am I?

The person I once was

Or the person I've become 

Or the person I will be? 

Is this really me?

The one I don't want to see or meet 

Or associate myself with 

Somehow I can't strip myself off myself 

How real or fake am I? 

I always ask myself 

But my question doesn't have an answer 

How much have I changed? 

I wish I had an answer 

Was I trying to please the temporary world? 

Or was i trying to please myself 

by creating an image of a better me in my head? 

But, is there a better me? 

Does it exist?

Or did I kill it even before it was born? 

Or, was it always in me but I just didn't realize? 

I never wanted to stop being myself 

Even though I got called out for it 

But there were times when I was someone else

And the world wanted me to be that way

Because nothing original is appreciated 

The world judges what it sees, most of the time 

And it will continue to judge 

But I will still learn to be a little more 'me'

giving more of 'me',

doing more of 'me' 

Learning more about 'me', each day. 

So there! 

-Luro